2 days to go

Time Line of Adoption

July 2004 First contact with Choices:

We wanted to register with Choices when I was pregnant with Paul, but we were advised to have the baby first and settle with him and then register as we would need to redo the home study after he was born anyway. This turned out to be bad advice and we wish we had registered to begin much sooner.

Feb 2006 Registered with CAFAC and Choices.

I had some confusion during this time as to which agency was responsible for which piece. I found that if I wanted accurate answers about the Ethiopian side of things that it was way easier to ask CAFAC directly rather than go through Choices. I also had to re-do some paperwork (such as the medical and references) as Choices had given me the wrong information regarding what was required.

Feb –April 2006 Home Study/Homework

This was not really an issue for us other than the fact that it was time consuming. We found that a lot of the homework and paperwork that came from the two agencies was similar or repetitive.
May - July 2006 Paper Chase

We spent May through June collecting all the other papers that were required for the dossier. The biggest wait was for our full size birth certificates/marriage certificates to come from Alberta. We all had the wallet size ones already but Ethiopia does not accept these. After that it was all sent away to be notarized and translated into Amharic.

Aug 31st 2006 Confirmation that paperwork arrived in Addis

We had some hiccups along the way but eventually the paperwork was completed and arrived in Addis in one piece. I naively thought that it would be a matter of months to receive a proposal at this point in part I think because up until this point the Canadian process had gone smoothly and we were exceeding the expected timelines. I guess I unrealistically expected that that would continue to happen. Additionally, at the same time as we began, so did many other families from all over the world. This caused a major slow down in how quickly proposals came in. Infant girls (under 1) are by far the most requested. Its funny, no one can tell you that your process isn't different. We all want to believe that we will have our children home quickly.

Feb 28th 2007 Move

We moved from Colwood to Langford in part because we wanted to have a little more room for the baby. Plus we wanted to move from our duplex to a single family home. We made some serious compromises to achieve this though (the house we got is a real fixer upper).

Feb 2007 Passport

I needed to get a new passport, Jeremy's was still valid. I wished I had done this sooner however, because with the new passport laws in effect for travel to the states, I had to wait forever.

March/April 2007 Home Study Update

Because we moved and because it had been a year (home studies are only valid for a year), we had to get a home study update. We grumbled about paying another fee, but it was relatively painless.

Aug 2007 Immunizations

By the time the summer had come and gone, we figured we had better get a start on our immunizations. This hurt the pocket book more than the arm.

Sept/Oct 2007 Van

We became the new proud owners of a van. My Oma and Opa generously gave the van to us knowing that we would not be able to put all three kids in three car seats in the Honda Civic. We really appreciated this as we had no idea how we were going to be able to afford one.

Oct 2007 Proposal

On her 5 month birthday, we received a proposal for a beautiful little girl to join our family. In a daze we signed the papers on the 23rd. We also submitted our second round of immigration papers at this time.

Dec 24th 2007 Court Date

This was our first court date. For some reason, the file didn't even see the light of day in court. We were postponed until Jan 10th.

Jan 5th 2008 Adoption Seminar

Sometime in the previous year the BC govt put forward a new regulation that forced adoptive parents to attend an adoption seminar. It was a good reminder about some of the reading we had done early on in the process. Meeting other parents in the adoption process was great!

Jan 7th 2008 File Update

We received an update on how Marie is doing. Not much had changed but we did get new beautiful pictures and she looked very different from the first set. I wasn't really prepared for that as I had forgotten how much babies change month to month in the first year.

Jan 10th 2008 2nd Court Date

This time the court date went smoothly and we were approved. Jan 18th 2008 Provincial letter of no objection arrived.

Feb 7th 2008 Travel Date is set

We finally found out when we would be traveling! The hold up was waiting for paperwork to be generated in Addis. Most families are held up by the immigration medical, but that was not the case with us. We waited for the adoption decree, new birth certificate and passport to be created and sent to Canadian Immigration. All told, this took just shy of a month, so I guess we finally caught a break.

Three days to go

This morning when I woke Ryan up for school, he asked me "How do you catch a wishing star". I asked him why he needed a wishing star and he told me that he needs one to wish that Marie could come home without me having to go and get her. :-(.

We had a long talk about it and a cuddle. I am sure he is going to be ok, but comments like that sure tug on my heart strings.

Baby Carrier Trial

This evening the boys wanted to go for a walk around the lake. We had accidentally left the double stroller out in the rain and so we only had the umbrella stroller and the new baby carrier. Ryan rode in the umbrella stroller and I carried Paul in the baby carrier. It was great... gave me a real chance to try it out. It worked really well and he liked being in it. I wouldn't want to carry him in it too much further than the 5 km around the lake though. He is getting too heavy at 32 lbs to be lugged around. About ten minutes into the walk I commented to Jeremy that this was "real" excercise. Paul piped up "yeah I'm getting good exercise too!" Ha ha ha. I wish we had bought something like this when the boys were little(r). It is way more comfortable than anything we had for them. Obviously it was comfortable for Paul as well because half way around the lake he completely conked out. I am anticipating carrying Marie in it in the front ways position instead of on my back, but we will see how she likes it. The best part is that it is nice and compact. It fits easily in the luggage :-).

4 days to go

I'm starting to get that "night before christmas" feeling! I am starting to wind things down at work and tie up loose ends everywhere else in my life. My plan is to try to get the house cleaned up tonight and all the last minute stuff packed away. That way we can have time to play with the kids and just be together before we go. Ryan said to me last night "mommy, you are always busy". I felt really terrible. All I could tell him was that it was going to get better after Marie comes home. I snuggled with both the boys last night until they fell asleep... the only problem with that is that I fell asleep too. Jeremy was left doing laundry till 10:00 by himself. He is too good to me. I am very spoiled.

The Before Pictures

When we bought the house, this room was a mess. The window was broken, the door looked like someone went at it with a hachet, the plaster was crumbling and the room wasn't insulated. If you look carefully you can also see the lovely "rainbow" pattern on the white walls. All in all it was a little overwhelming. Nobody wanted to go in there. It was cold and clausterphobia inducing. I couldn't imagine putting a baby in there the way it was. Now it is my favorite room in the house! We actually made the room marginally smaller (we strapped foam insulation up and then drywalled over it so we lost around 6 inches) but it feels bigger.

The baby room

Well here they are... the baby room is done. Or rather as done as it is going to be. I didn't quite get everything done. As you can see, there are no curtains yet and I haven't finished reupholstering the rocking chair. But who's counting. I'm pretty pleased with how it came out. Jeremy deserves major major credit here. He thought it would be relatively simple till I got involved and began saying things like "Oh wouldn't it be great if we could recess drawers into the wall?" and "This corner would make an awesome little reading/play area... all we have to do is build a bench that has toy storage in it" by the way if it's going to be a reading area... it needs a light... and while we have the wall open to recess the drawers lets put in a little cubby for books". When we began, the floor had a coat of paint on it. The original plan was to give it a light sanding and repaint... but the floor under just looked too good... All of this was on top of having to insulate and drywall the entire room as well as replacing the broken door and window. Yup. I married a super hero. My mom actually deserves quite a bit of credit as well. Last year I had begun making the baby bedding. I dumped it on her lap just before christmas and she finished it (by finishing, I mean doing most of it). She also came over several nights and put the kids to bed so we could work on the room right after dinner. And when things were looking really grim and we didn't think we could get it all done, Uncle Bryn came over and helped us. I think he has done almost as much work in our house as he has in his own... Thanks again Bryn!

5 days

Five days left! I finally got the clothes in the drawers for Marie last night. Jeremy also wired the light in. I have a couple more things to do and then we should be done the room. I keep saying this, but truly it might be actually getting there! Ryan and Paul are starting to get nervous about us going. And I am starting to get nervous about leaving them. I have never left them for this long ever. Even though it is really really super early in the morning, I think I will let them come to the airport with us. I think it will help them to say goodbye to us there, rather than saying goodnight/goodbye and waking up and just finding us not there. We have been talking with them quite a bit about what it will be like for them both when we are gone and when we first come back. I am worried about when we come home, because they will be on a different time zone than us and my parents/sister will be exhausted from looking after two energetic boys for 17 days. I suppose we will have to take sleeping shifts. Meals will be another challenge. I imagine we will all be hungry at different times. If I had had more time, I would have prepared some meals ahead of time for after but I just ran out of time (besides, as most of you know I view cooking as one of those necesary evils; one to be postponed until the last possible second).

6 days

Yeah! We are getting down to the wire. We are beginning to get excited about going instead of just stressed. Over lunch I went to the dollar store and bought the boys a bunch of little items... one for every day we are gone. They are just small (things like books or bouncy balls) but my hope is that they will know that I miss them and I am thinking about them. For the last day, I got them "big brother" tshirts that they can wear to the airport. We did get some sad news though. One of the families in our group has been delayed as their paperwork did not arrive from Nairobi :-(. We are thinking about you guys and hoping you are still able to travel with us.

1 Week

Ok. Enough whining and moaning about packing. I think we have it done... or almost done. There are still odds and sods floating about and the house looks like it threw up on itself but by and large the stuff is in the bags. We have some amazing friends. My women's bible study group (which I haven't attended in over a year because of work conflicts) made some beautiful blankets and did an awesome job collecting. I also received a couple of monetary donations that I used to buy some clothes for older kids (yeah for the clearance rack at super store). I have a full bag of stuff to give away which is awesome because I did not want to go empty handed. I will publish the pics of the donations tonight when I get home. My mom is one of my heros. If I turn out even a little bit like she is, I'll be doing good. She took a pile of scrap fabric that we had and turned out an enormous number of clothes. They were really cute. Way way better than anything you can buy in the store.

8 days

The soccer ball saga. Yesterday, people from the Vancouver office donated $140 for me to buy soccer balls in Addis! Thanks guys! I am really excited to be able to deliver the balls to the kids. It will be a really gratifying thing to do because I am told that Ethiopians are mad over "football".

Today we pick up Jeremy and do all our running around, so I had better get going and do it!

9 Days Left

I am really glad that the weekend is on the horizon. This weekend is do or die for getting stuff done. If it doesn't get done this weekend it probably isn't happening! Jeremy is flying home tomorrow morning out of Castlegar. I hope his flight isn't delayed because as soon as he hits the ground, the running around and mad frantic packing panic begins.

Days left before we go. I have caught a nasty cold. I suppose that its better now then closer to travel. Last night I did nothing to prepare for the trip. I got home, ate supper (thanks mom!) and played with the boys a bit before putting them to bed. Then I crawled into bed myself. 8:00 and I was out. You'd think I'd be well rested and alert this a.m. but no such luck. Paul AND Ryan crawled into bed with me part way through the night. Paul wanted to snuggle with me but kept kicking off all the blankets. Everytime I moved over, he snuggled in right against me until I was clinging to the edge of the bed. I spent half the night wondering how I was going to deal with THREE kids in the bed with me. Either we buy a king size bed or figure out a different arrangement. At home, Jeremy and I frequently end up sleeping in the boy's beds after they crawl into ours. Its like musical chairs but a lot less fun... and frequently I am the one who ends up without the chair! Paul informed me the other day when we were setting up the crib for Marie, that when she was scared, she could come and sleep in his bed. I asked him where he was going to sleep if Marie slept in his bed... He quite calmly informed me that he would sleep in his BIG bed (meaning mine!). I told him that he needs to sleep in his own bed, to which he replied "I will when I'm five"... it could be a very long two years.

Travel Registry With Canadian Gov't

I heard from a friend that the Canadian government offers a service whereby you can register that you’re travelling in a particular country. That way they can offer assistance faster and/or contact you if there is trouble in the country and they need to evacuate you. http://www.voyage.gc.ca/dest/report-en.asp?country=85000 Good advice for fellow travellers!

Eleven days to go

We will be flying out in 11 days... Airline tickets are finally booked. After much hair pulling and gnashing of teeth and ranting we decided to book with the travel agent recommended by the adoption agency. We were very disappointed with this process and ended up having to pay way more than we should have. But we are booked and it is done. We are flying with Lufthansa and they are supposed to be quite good. I was also able to secure travel insurance for Marie (see post below). Things are (slowly) coming together in the baby room. I am hoping to have enough of it done to post pictures by this weekend (yes, I know, just in time) but with Jeremy gone this week, it has been quite hard for me to accomplish anything outside the very basic. The alternator also went on the car :-(. All in all, so far it hasn't been a great week. I am very much looking forward to having everything done and being on the plane!

Adoption Statistics.

I was looking up Canadian Adoption Statistics. The stats for last year 2007 are not yet available but I was really encouraged to see that between 2005 and 2006 adoptions from Ethiopia nearly doubled! Also, considering BC's population we do a lot of adoptions... Way to go BC! Check out the stats here they are quite interesting: http://www.adoption.ca/ACCArticle_2006Stats.htm

Count Down

13 days until we leave! 10 more days of work!. I seem to be into count downs and lists lately. To be fair, I have always been a list maker. Lately though I feel like I need lists to keep track of my lists. Jeremy is gone for the next week (doing training seminars in the interior) so I am on my own with the boys. I have an enormous amount to accomplish before the trip, so every night I am trying to put them to bed a little earlier, but I am finding that difficult also, because I miss them and I want to spend time with them. The stress is beginning to trickle down to them and is affecting their behaivor. Kids are amazing. They sense the upcoming change in their lives and are responding to it in the best way that they know how. This translates into them arguing more (normally they are best buddies and play really well together) and being more clingy which is difficult, especially with daddy away. I wonder if we are doing the right thing leaving them behind... I haven't even begun packing yet... Yup. Stress at its best. I have not begun to get really excited yet because I am simply overwhelmed by the amount of work left. We are almost finished the baby room. I just have a couple more things to do (paint the bench we built, sew curtains and recover the rocking chair) See there I go with the lists again.

Travel Insurance For Adopted Children

One of the other families traveling at the same time as us has investigated buying travel insurance for their adopted children. Many people have trouble purchasing this insurance since their children are not yet covered under Canadian medical (such as MSP here in BC). They found that this company was willing and able to provide travel insurance for adoptees coming home: http://www.travelprotectors.com/adoption.shtml/ Hopefully you will find it helpful. We did, so thanks!

Exactly one month

I actually don't have much to say other than... in exactly one month, I will be holding my little baby girl! I still believe that it is inappropriate to publish Marie's picture but I have sufficiently convinced myself that there is no harm in a sneak peak since this contains really no identifying information...

TRAVEL.... Yipee!

We have our dates! March 8th we will meet Marie! WAHOO. I have never been more excited about a trip in my whole life. We probably will go early so we can travel to Durame and to visit Marie's village. That means less than 1 month! I better get cracking, I have a list longer than my leg of stuff I have to do still! We will probably be gone March 2nd - 18th... if you are a theif, don't bother the house is still occupied ;-). Plus, our house doesn't seem to contain anything that would interest an adult... I think the toys breed in the toy box... =-)

HAP Meeting on Thursday

For those who will not be able to make it out on Thursday, Nina has compiled some stories of people she met while working at HAP (Hope After Parents). Do take the time to read them.

Sylivia

Sylivia was a 13 year old girl who was at the top of her class when she found herself pregnant. At this time Sylvias parents had already died and she was being looked after by an older brother who, when he discovered Sylivia was pregnant insisted she marry the man responsible (she was 13 at the time) and when she refused he kicked her out. Sylvia now has a three year old and is still living on her own with her child, she digs in other peoples gardens to pay for rent of her house and to buy food for her and her daughter, when she has extra money she pays for her own school fees so she can continue her education. When I asked her what she wanted the most, she told me that she wanted to return to school. When I visited Sylivias home we found that she had no blanket for her and her daughter to sleep with on her mat on the dirt floor, we left her with a blanket, sheets, mosquito net and some kitchen items that she lacked, and when my mother came to Uganda to visit we gave her a sweater and a blanket for her daughter. After returning to Canada I got the news that her relatives visited her and upon finding her with new items insisted that she hand them over and when she didn't comply they beat her and took them. Sylvia deepest wish was to go to school and she needs a safe place where no one can harm her or her daughter. HAP and Canadian donors have provided her with school fees, exam fees, school uniform and her school needs so she can attend a secondary boarding school. Syliva has found a kind neighbour to care for her daughter while she attends school. She started school this Monday.

Tumuhimbise

The first day that I visited the children in their homes I met Tumuhimbise, she is not an orphan she is a mother whose children are not yet 'complete orphans'. Tumuhimbise has AIDS which she contracted from her husband who upon discovering he was sick sold all the family land and house to pay for his medical bills. After his death he left behind four children with no land and a sick mother. Tumuhimbise has tested positive for HIV and qualifies to receive antiviral medication from a local NGO. She however cannot always afford to pay for the journey to the hospital once a month to receive the medication and see a doctor. The doctors have told her that the medication will not work if she is not eating healthy food and resting, but she told us that she cannot rest when her children need food and money for school fees. Tumuhimbise neighbours have built her a house and she works in her neighbours gardens digging for money and food as her husband left her without any land to grow food for her family. The day we visited this family the eldest son had been sent home from school as they were unable to pay for his school fees, he told us that he didn't want anything except to be able to go back to school. We also discovered that the youngest child was sick and showing signs of AIDS but due to lack of funds she has not been tested or even seen a doctor. Part of our plan for HAP is to create a clinic/dispensary as part of the school and for the community. The hope is that the children that are infected (often from their mothers) can get the medical care that they need and the children that are not yet 'complete orphans' have a chance to have their remaining parent get healthy and try to prevent more 'complete orphans' that are living alone without any parental guidance.

Child-headed Families

Nothing quite prepared me to visit a family of children that live completely alone, but unfortunately it was not just one family. On the second day that I visited the children I met several families of orphans living alone, the eldest usually around 12-14 years old caring for his or her younger siblings. The last family that we visited on this day had no beds, blankets or any bedding aside from some banana leaves and dirty plastic sheets. We left them with warm blankets, sheets and mosquito nets and some kitchen items that they needed and as we were about to leave them they asked us to please wait. The went around to the back of their house and returned with two papayas to give to us in return for the blankets and other things we had given them. It took everything in me not to cry as we walked away from these children. Again and again after each family of children that I walked away from it tore my heart to pieces. No child in Canada would have been left alone for one day without a guardian, let alone in those conditions. It was on this day that my heart committed itself to helping these children to find a place for them that is safe where they can have some time to be children again, where the worries of basic needs are someone else's to bear, some adult. Where they can get the guidance that they need to grow up to be adults with morals and values and who know right from wrong, because right now no one is teaching them this. HAP's vision for a boarding school is a place where this can happen, a place that will cater to the special needs of children who have no parents.

Rosette

My first memory of Rosette was meeting her in the home that she was staying in. Rossette has no family left and was taken in by strangers. When we met her in her home she looked incredibly sad. At the time we did not know what was going on, but a few weeks later we found out that her neighbour was raping her. She is 14 and no doubt feels helpless and powerless. At least 8 out of 10 women and girls in Uganda are raped at least once in their lives and orphan girls are the most vulnerable to this. Unfortunately there is little repercussions for the man responsible because these cases typically never get to court. The HAP counselor is currently counseling Rossette. When my mother heard about what was happening to Rossette she decided to do something to help, to somehow get her out of the living situation she was in. It was decided that the best solution would be to send her to boarding school. Janet donated the funds to pay for her school fees, her uniform and other school items. I am happy to tell you that on Monday Rosette started school at Kashozi (the school I was at and where two of the HAP members also work as teachers) Rosette will be safe living and studying at Kashozi and will have the support of the two HAP members close by. Bago told me that she was very excited after her first day at school.Sadly what happened to Rosette happens to many of the girl orphans who have no one to defend them or to turn to for help. Part of building is school for the orphans is so that HAP can provide a safe place to protect these girls who have no one to defend them. HAP also wants to educate the community that it is not ok to abuse defenseless orphans. Also at a HAP school the children could get the counseling to deal with the trauma that they have lived through. Most of these children are traumatized by the death of their parents, by being left alone in the world and then by the mistreatment, abuse and violence that they experience at the hand of the few adults in their lives.