6 Month Birthday

Our little girl turned 6 months yesterday! I was very proud of myself. I didn’t cry. I am just hoping and praying that we will celebrate her one year birthday with her in the flesh. I feel like we are already missing so many of her firsts, I really don’t want to miss that one. In that first year, so much changes. I look at her picture every day, and it makes me sad that already in the one month since we got her photo, she has probably changed and I am missing it. I find myself both attracted to and repelled by other people’s children around this age. I am attracted to them, because I want to know what milestones our little girl is likely approaching. I want to remember what that age is like. Even though I had the boys at that age, it is so hard to remember what it was like in any particular month, it all kind of blends together. Also, I don’t think I realized what a precious gift I had been given. I did not enjoy them as much as I should have. I did not pay enough attention to the details. I did not take enough time to cuddle them and just enjoy them… which brings me to the repelled feeling I have. I don’t want to see other people with their children of the same age because it hurts. I want to tell the parents how lucky they are, how they don’t know what a precious gift they are holding. I can’t take my eyes of them but I don’t want to hold their little ones, because I might cry or say something inappropriate. I guess in these kids, I am looking for some clue, some insight into what my baby’s life is like, but in the end there is no substitute for having her home. Having said that, I am coming to realize that God’s timing is perfect and no matter what, it’s going to be ok. God will bring her home in His timing, not mine and in the end I will be glad that it happened that way… its just hard right now. He is giving us time to get our resources together. He is giving us time to work on her room (yes, we finished the bathroom and are moving onto the baby room next weekend!) and He is giving Ryan and Paul time to settle into their routines at school. In short, our lives are getting sorted out so that we can bring A home into as stable an environment as possible. If I had it my way, she would be home already, amidst the renos and chaos. I would not have been able to go to work and get parental benefits which would throw us further into debt. We also would not have had the van yet… so it’s a good thing I don’t always get my way ... and if any of you choose to remind me that I said that I will deny deny deny!