Acceptance Papers

Today we signed our acceptance papers for our child proposal. We also got the immigration ball rolling again. Wheh what a process. I am told that our part is minor compared to what has to be done in Ethiopia. Apparently it is a big job running from this office to that office, having this paper stamped and then that one etc etc. We are truly grateful to have someone on reliable on the ground to wade through all the red tape for us. I have been doing a bit of research into the Kembata Region (where our daughter was born). There is not a ton of information out there, but from what I understand it is very remote. It is one of the regions of Ethiopia that relies heavily on Entebe (false banana) and is called the green hunger zone. This is because the land is very lush, but there is still abject poverty and a lot of hunger. The area is very densely populated and the land gets divided among sons. Generations and generations of farmers dividing their land has lead to very little land for each family. Consequently, the land has been severely degraded because of over-farming. Entebe is a crop that takes around five years to fully mature. After it has matured, it has to be processed in back-breaking labour before it can be consumed.... its now bedtime for us working folk (yes I started work), so I will post more later

A Proposal

TODAY WE RECEIVED OUR PROPOSAL!! That's right. We have a very special little girl coming to us. She is 5 months old today! Her birthday is May 18th. She weights approx 15 lbs and she is in good health. She is absolutely gorgeous :-). Now the real wait begins. We still have to wait for immigration and for the Ethiopian courts to legalize the adoption. We have been told that this process takes between 4 and 9 months. Jeremy took the afternoon off from work and we took the boys out for ice cream even though it was raining. I don't think it has really sunk in for them yet. Tomorrow or the day after, Jeremy and I will go out for Ethiopian food to celebrate. A couple of days ago my sister in law asked me what I wanted for my birthday (which is coming on the twentieth) and I told her that all I really wanted was our child proposal. I knew was going to be soon, but I didn't really think that it would actually come in time for my birthday. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear me... Yeah... I'm just a little giddy. Sorry for the super giant font... can you tell I'm a little excited?

Time for a New Picture

Looking at the picture on the Blog, I realized how much the boys have grown in the past year. We took a new picture... actually we took about 50 new pictures... and this was the best of the bunch. Apparently the boys have gotten a lot more wiggly in the past year as well. It was thanksgiving... I thought turkey was supposed to make you sleepy???

We're Next

We got a note from CAFAC today. Apparently we are next in line to receive an infant girl proposal! This is good news for thanksgiving. We still don't know how long this is going to take, but it should be soon. So you can expect to get an excited phone call from me sometime soon! I also found out that I will start my job on the 22nd of this month, I am going in to sign the contract today. We spent Thanksgiving at Auntie Sylvia's this year. We feasted on turkey with friends and family and had lots of time to reflect on how lucky we are. This friday, at Saanich Baptist we are having a"sharing the bounty" event for women. We will be putting together toiletry bags for women in need in the local area. We are also collecting supplies for me to take as an orphanage donation in Ethiopia. I will be giving a quick talk about it (5 minutes or so). We would love to have you out! It takes place at SBC, from 7-9 on October 12th. Bring some sample size toiletries and/or some orphanage donations (if you forget what we need, see my earlier posts). The more the merrier.

The Fourteenth Month of Waiting

October 1st marked our entrance into the fourteenth month of waiting. I am hoping that with the Ethiopian New Year behind us, there will be some action... soon! We received our second round of shots. We also have confirmed what we suspected; they are not covered by extended medical.... ouch.

Happy New Year!

Ethiopia has entered the third millenium! Yesterday, the Ethiopian calendar (7.5 years behind our calendar) turned over from 1999 to 2000. The Guardian did a very good article with an audio slide show showing people in London and in Addis celebrating. http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,2167505,00.html?gusrc=rss&feed=travel Because of the celebrations the Ethiopian courts will be closed for the remainder of the month. I had previously thought that this may adversely affect our process, but the CAFAC staff disagree. In an email update yesterday we were told, "Despite court closures- it is still the response time by Nairobi Kenya’s CDN IMM office that decided when a family can travel. So for those of you worried about the closure affecting child proposals or travel times if you have an adoption in process, please be assured this will not likely impact you." There was also information regarding wait times. Currently the wait time for infant girls is 14 months. Originally, we had expected to have a child proposal this month, but after calling the staff yesterday, it sounds as though we won't hear anything now until October. This is due in part to the New Year celebrations etc. I do know for sure that families whose paperwork arrived in August have begun to get proposals. That means that there are only 4 or 5 more families ahead of us. We are trying very hard to be patient. The staff at CAFAC, have been wonderful and we have been assured that we are in the home stretch of our wait. Yesterday's email also had some very good explanations as to why the wait is so long. I have included it below. "Sometimes there is a misconception that there are millions of children that are orphaned or in trouble so it should be an instant process to receive a proposal. As has been the case for several years with many country programs - at the time a family applies for a child under 12 months of age, their child is not yet born. The child they will eventually be matched to is not part of the statistics that are given by World Health Organization, Unicef, etc.

The infant under 12 months of age not being born yet is the case for most families when they send their paperwork to Ethiopia. Most matches to our families in this age range are 1-4 months of age when proposed. A sequence of events must occur in the child’s life before they can be placed for adoption: birth- loss of birth family through abandonment/death of birth family - legal process to be declared available for adoption - matches to specific agency and family. While there are millions of children in crisis and orphaned all over the world- these children that exist now are not all available for adoption, and are almost always school aged.

In context of USA agencies that are similar to CAFAC in length of time with a program in Ethiopia, and with more than 60 families coming home each year- web site information on wait times for Adoption Advocates International, Wide Horizons, Children’s Home Society, and Spence Chapin, - are given as 5 months to one year, and appear to be the normal wait times for proposals of infants under the age of 2 years old for agencies who are not new in Ethiopia.

At present: CAFAC proposals for infants up to 18 months of age are taking from 10 – 14 months to be made. The difference in time seems to be a reflection of how many CAFAC applications in any given month were received in Ethiopia, and as the order documents arrive to Ethiopia is followed in the issuance of proposals, this impacts the time frame for any one family’s proposal. Infant proposals seem to be the ones that present the longest wait times- and we empathize with the struggle waiting families have as time goes by and they do not have a match yet.

With Ethiopia ‘s program as each family waits for their match there will also be the usual issues with children who do not pass health screenings, or lab testing to be matched to a waiting family, and must be refused adoption placement altogether, and other issues which might mean they cannot be matched to CAFAC families.

Our next largest group of match requests are for families who want siblings under 36 months of age. The wait time for many of these families also fluctuates- between 8 – 13 months as well. Keeping in mind that siblings must be born in this time frame, PLUS have been kept together by their family of origin, have losses within their birth family that bring the child into care, it is more easy to understand waits for matches. Relinquishment for adoption is still viewed as a last option, after all other options have been considered, by all those involved with any child’s case.

Other match requests for preschool aged children, or older siblings are usually met in under 12 months - and often we have more children from

4-10 years of age offered then we have applications for. Families approved for older children are finding that they get proposals in 2-8 months.

We have been pleased to see that many families’ response to slower time frames have allowed them to consider opening up their age ranges through a simple addendum process, so they can be considered for infants/ children who are older. For the children who are or will be matched after this change, this decision means the world to them. "

Part way through our process, we considered changing our age range. However, in the end we felt that it was important not to alter the birth order of our children, by inserting a sister before one of the boys. All along, they have been told they are getting a baby sister... to suddenly have a big sister would be a really big adjustment for them (not to mention us!).

PS For those of you following the renovation saga, the tile on the tub is up but not grouted. The drywall needs one more coat and sadly we still have no sink or flooring. The big thing for me will be to be able to shower again! Hopefully that will transpire this weekend. Oh yeah, we still have to frame in a closet, so I guess we are not really close to being done with the drywall. The upside to this reno is all the "character" Jeremy and I have been developing. I'm going to eventually post before and after pictures... we just have to get to the after part...

The one year mark and a van.

Good news and bad news. I always like to hear the good first so hear it is. My Oma and Opa have given us a VAN!!!!!!!! We are so thankful because getting a van has been a major stressor for us. Our little honda is wonderful and we love it but there is no way of fitting three carseats in it. Kids are required to be in booster seats so long now that we really don't have another choice. Oma and Opa are getting a new van, so we can go pick up their old one after September 10th. The only trouble is figuring out how to get it from Calgary to Victoria... That however is a managable problem! What an answer to prayer. The bad news isn't really bad news. Its just that September 1st marked the one year mark for us waiting. Our paperwork arrived in Addis a whole year ago. Saturday was a sucky day for me. Currently the wait for baby girls is 13 months so it *should* be this month that we get a proposal. We'll see.

A shot in the arm, and one in the pocketbook

Last night Jeremy and I got the first installment of our shots. We have two more trips to make to the travel clinic before we are through. Last night we had three shots each. Next time, we will get two and the last trip will just be for dukoral... thankfully a drink not a shot. We still have to decide if we are going to travel outside of Addis, if we do, we need to take malarial prevention [sigh]. All in all these immunizations cost a whopping $1000. Yikes. We are still hoping our extended medical will cover most of it. The bathroom reno is slowly crawling forward. Toilet and bath are both functional. The drywall is partially up. We are hoping to have tile on the shower over the long weekend! Yeah for showers! Then we just have to frame in the closet, finish the drywall, mud the drywall, prime and paint, install the sink, tile the floor, put the door back up, and put up and paint the trim. Unfortunately, the only time we have to work on it is between the kids going to bed and our tenant going to bed (The bathroom is located right over her bedroom so we are trying to be respectful and not work too early or too late). Speaking of work, it looks like I am going to be looking for a job. With the bathroom reno costs and the unexpected sewer problems we had earlier this year, coupled with the remaining adoption costs, we are unable to keep ahead of the game on one income. So, Ryan is going to school, Paul is going to preschool and Mommy is heading back to work. I have just begun the process of looking but I'll keep you updated. It's heart breaking for me, to think about leaving the boys all day, but I am trying to keep a positive attitude about it. Not very many people are as lucky as I am to be able to be home with the children as long as I have. It's also not forever. Short term pain for long term gain right? Hopefully when the adoption is complete, both Jeremy and I will be able to take some parental leave, and we will all be able to be together while we learn how to be a family of 5 together.

Ryan is 5!

Its hard to believe but it is true. My oldest baby is FIVE years old today. He is going to kindergarten in a couple of weeks. I know it is cliche but time really does fly. We have probably hit the 1/4 mark for the time that we will have that sweet boy in our home [trying not to cry now]. We have a tradition in our family, when the birthday kid wakes up, they crawl into bed with us and we tell them the story of the day they were born. This morning I was thinking about our baby girl... and what we will have to do to modify that tradition for her. We are coming up on the one year mark since our paperwork was recieved in Addis... September 1st. I called the adoption agency this morning to find out if there has been any movement on our file. There are still a couple of outstanding placements to make for families from July... sigh. She said it could be any day now, or it could take another couple of months. In other news, we ripped apart our bathroom. Yup its gutted... completely and utterly. We have finished re plumbing all the fixtures. The toilet is back in (huge relief). The bathtub is installed but not tiled (no showers) and the sink still remains elusive. This whole process was a MUCH bigger undertaking than either of us thought. We thought we would be a couple of days without the bathroom and everything would be back to normal. HA HA HA. My mom has been gracious enough to let us stay with her for the last TWO WEEKS (thanks mom) Not only has it been a more intensive project than we originally anticipated, it has been much MUCH more expensive... and then there was the flooding incident... which we are still too close to to laugh about. Ask us in a couple of weeks about the river we created flowing down our tenants bedroom walls... Anyway, I think this process has just sealed the deal for me having to look for full time work. With any luck, I will find a job and work until the baby arrives. Then perhaps we can all take some time off together as a family and just BE. Until then, it will be a fine balancing act. Be patient with us. Soon we will emerge from the bathroom victorious and I will have more time to post blog updates!

An Update

I called CAFAC this morning for my monthly update (I know that if there was any big news they would call me, but phoning once a month is an uncontrollable compulsion). I feel like a bit of a broken record, but for those who don't know this is the way it works: For infant girls (which have the longest wait times), there is a backlog of requests for proposals. Families whose paperwork arrived in Ethiopia at the end of last July are now receiving proposals. Our paperwork arrived on September 1st 2006, so have to wait for the remaining few proposals in July, all the ones in August and then it is our turn. There is no real formula. Sometimes the proposals trickle in slowly, sometimes they arrive in large groups. But since it is now July and they are working on the July proposals from last year (still), we are not expecting one until at least September. I did ask a few other questions though. I wanted to know if the wait time following the proposal was still 4-6 months. I was told that yes, we should count on six months and if it happens sooner to view it as a bonus. As hard as our current wait is, the wait after we receive our proposal is going to be MUCH harder. Then we will have a picture, some information, a real little person waiting for us. Some families are able to travel in only three months, but for this to happen, everything must go exactly as it should which means a minimum number of court dates, for all the immigration processes to go smoothly etc. I am not really anticipating that this will happen for us. Every year, Ethiopian courts close for the summer, this year they are also closing for September to celebrate the new millennium (The Ethiopian calendar is different, currently it is 1999). I assume that this will mean a backlog for the court system. I wanted to know if we would know when our court dates etc are, or if we would just be waiting blindly. I was told, that as much information as CAFAC has, we will have also. Sometimes they do not know until after the fact, but they will keep us informed as much as they can. I also asked how much notice we will have before we travel. I was told that we can anticipate a minimum of three weeks notice. Most families have a month to prepare. This is good as Jeremy has to take time off from work and we have to arrange for Ryan and Paul. Not to mention the price of airfare! I'm hoping that there is only going to be a couple more times I have to call for a monthly update...

Adoption: Made Possible Only Through Loss

Adoption, by definition is a relationship that can only be formed after a tremendous loss. Before she comes home to us, our daughter will have lost her entire family. In all likelihood, she will have to struggle for survival in less than ideal orphanage conditions. Following that, she will spend time (between 4 and 9 months) in the CAFAC foster home. This is better care than an orphanage could provide, but it is still institutional care. When we bring her home to Canada, she will loose everyone she has any connection with. She will loose her country. She will loose access to anyone who can speak to her in Amharic. Everything will smell, taste and look different. She will also be jet lagged and will have to re-align her biological clock with a new time zone. When she comes to us, she will be in shock, having suffered more losses in her little life than most of us will experience in our entire lifetime and she will not have the language or emotional maturity to express herself. I have asked myself many times whether this is fair. Whether it is ok. Whether adoption is ethical. Adoption nay-sayers claim that it is not. They say that it is wrong to rob a child of his or her cultural heritage, to remove children from their homeland. The answer I have come up with is this. No, it is not fair. In an ideal world, all families would be able to stay together, and children would be raised by their biological parents. In an ideal world, parents would not die of AIDS, children would not suffer from malnutrition and mothers would not have to make the impossible choice of abandoning one baby with the hopes that she will be able to feed the others. But the world is far from ideal, and in this broken, troubled world, an inter-racial family halfway across the world is better than none at all. We cannot do anything about our daughter’s losses, except to hold her, cry with her, help her heal, and help her learn to trust us. No, we cannot give her roots, but I hope someday, we will give her wings.

The Least You Need To Know About Ethiopia

Ethiopia is located on the horn of Africa. It has been land locked since Eritrea gained independence in 1993 (after a long bloody war). Ethiopia is culturally diverse. It’s 75 million people are divided among over 80 different ethnic groups, although most belong to either the Oromo, Amhara, Tigray or Somali groups. The official language is Amharic, but there are over 84 other languages spoken. Secondary school is taught in English. Ethiopia is one of the oldest nations in the world. Lucy was discovered in Ethiopia and since then it has been referred to as “the cradle of humanity”. Ethiopia also has the distinction of being the only African nation to never be colonized, although it was briefly occupied during the second world war. Ethiopia’s capital is Addis Ababa, which means “new flower”. Before then, the capital was moved whenever the region ran out of wood for fuel. Since the introduction of the fast growing Eucalyptus, the capital has not needed to move. Addis Ababa, is home to Africa’s largest open air market. Hopefully we will get to go shopping during our trip! Historically, Ethiopia was ruled by an Emperor (purportedly a decendant of Soloman and the Queen of Sheba). A coup in the 70’s overthrew Haile Selassie and a communist dictatorship ruled. Ethiopia held its first democratic election in the early 1990’s, though the international community is divided on how democratic recent elections have actually been. Ethiopia has three distinct climatic regions determined mainly by elevation. The coolest zone: above 2,400 m where temperatures range from near freezing to 16 °C; the temperate zone at elevations of 1,500 to 2,400 meters (4,900–7,900 ft) with temperatures from 16 to 30 °C; and the hot zone below 1,500 meters (4,900 ft) with both tropical and arid conditions and daytime temperatures ranging from 27 to 50 °C. Addis Ababa is located in the temperate zone. The topography of Ethiopia ranges from several very high mountain ranges (the Semien Mountians and the Bale Mountains), to one of the lowest areas of land in Africa, the Danakil depression. The normal rainy season is from mid-June to mid-September (longer in the southern highlands) preceded by intermittent showers from February or March; the remainder of the year is generally dry. Ethiopia uses the Ge’ez calendar. The calendar is divided into 12 months of 30 days each. The current year in Ethiopia is 1999. The new year usually falls on September 11th, so this September will mark the beginning of a new millennium in Ethiopia! The main religion in Ethiopia is Christianity, with most of those falling into the Ethiopian Orthodox Church. There is also a large muslim population. Judaism and Animism are also practiced. Ethiopia’s economy is based largely on agriculture. The biggest export crop is… you guessed it… coffee. Fifty percent of the population lives below the poverty line. Becoming landlocked with the loss of Eritrea and lack of infrasturcture (only 15% of roads are paved) make trade difficult. The following statistics are from UNICEF: Ethiopia has 4 800 000 orphans ranging in age from 0-17. The average life expectancy is 48. The GNI per capita is $160 USD. 23% of the population lives on less than a dollar a day. 33% of exports are used to service debt. Female genital mutilation has a prevalence of between 69 and 76%. 43% of children (age 5-14) are involved in child labour. Only 22% of the population has access to improved drinking water. 38% of children under 5 are moderately to severely underweight. 47% of children under 5 suffer from moderate to severe growth stunting. I would like to credit all the sources for this information… but I can’t. I have learned so much about Ethiopia in the past year that I can’t keep track of where it has all come from. Having said that, I have copied parts from Wikipedia (mostly the bit about climate) and UNICEF. Hopefully you have learned something about a country that I have never visited, but where part of my heart resides.

An Event

Orphanage Donations

When we travel to Ethiopia, we are hoping to take a suitcase full of donations for orphanages. One of the things on the list of needed items is blankets for cribs and twin beds. With that in mind, I am going to host an old fashioned quilting bee. Before you stop reading because you think you can't sew, come anyway. There are lots of jobs for people who think they can't sew too. If you have fabric (either cotton or flannel), that would be very much appreciated. I haven't set a date yet, because I'd really like to find a time that works for the majority of people. I was thinking sometime in early august? You will have to ignore the state of my house (yes we are still under renovation... sigh). Email me to let me know if you are interested and if you think you can spare some time.

For those of you who can't see yourself participating, but would still like to contribute, I have included a list of other things that we are told are needed. The items need to be new. If you are considering donating one of the bulkier items, talk to us first because we only have so much space!

Orphanage Donations Needed Cloth diapers Disposable diapers Crib mattress covers Baby duvet blanket covers Nipples /bottles Fitted crib sheets Cloth crib quilts (not knitted) Scabies/lice remedies- creams and shampoos Hydrocortizone crème and “Peneten” Diaper Rash ointment Zincofax Ointment for Diaper rash Shoes for kids up to age 6 years. Clothes for children up to 10 years of age Socks (all sizes) Hair elastics/ pik combs/ hair clips/pony tail holders/hair brushes Collapsible play pens Twin bed sheets Twin bed quilts Giant Lego blocks/ dump trucks/dolls Towels, face cloths, tea towels, wash cloths Medicines If you are bringing in cash donations these could help to purchase one or more of these items: mesh for the staircase and observatory from the second floor. change tables for baby and toddler rooms cupboards and shelving for all children's rooms Filing cabinet or something for files at clinic playpens at least 6 - nylon so can be wiped down easily. Garbage cans for all rooms and bathrooms Laundry baskets for all rooms Cleaning supply room with locked cabinet A generous supply of buckets, mops etc for cleaning staff. . 6 excersausers for toddlers highchairs- 6 at least. Toy box and toys for each room and outside Decorations for rooms- ie alphabet, pictures Bulletin boards of pictures of families in living room Baby scale for clinic possibly a small 'tub" for every child to have under their bed for their clothes etc. CHOIR PROJECTS:

all school supplies, Crayons, coloring books, pencils, erasers, pens Art Supplies Sports equipment –like soccer balls, footballs, volleyballs, Skipping ropes, and other children’s games Stickers, beading projects, Clothing for kids from size 3 – 14 Shoes for ages 3 years old to 16 years old

Why Does It Cost So Much?

By the time everything is said and done we will have spent a small fortune (to us) on our adoption. We have had many people ask us why it costs so much so here it is: A breakdown of expenses:

$350-- Choices Registration Fee

$3210-- Home Study. This is money paid to a social worker to evaluate the appropriateness of our home and family. $250-- Home Study Update. We had to complete this because we have moved and because there has been no action on our file for a year. $1200-- Choices Planning and Pre-Placement Fee. $2775-- Choices Placement and Post Placement Fee. $375 -- CAFAC enrollment fee

$1765-- CAFAC Prep/Administrative Fee (preparation of documents for the granting of adoption order in Ethiopia)

$1284-- Child Referral Administration Fee (preparation of child referral, arranging translation of child information, commuications with provincial and CDN immigration authorities for processing child acceptance, final adoption order, first post placement report etc)

$267.50-- Educational Component (workbook that we were required to read, fill out and send back to CAFAC)

$5500 (USD)-- Country Fee (foreign courier fees, embassy authenticatins, foreign phone share, country maintenance fee, travel assistant fee, orphanage donation, adoption specific fee, representative fees, immigration medical and lab tests, child referral fee, airport taxes)

$150 Canadian Immigration Fees

$200-- Entry Visas

$6000- $8000-- Airfare for two adults return, plus one infant one way.

$1000 -- Accomodation for 10 days in Ethiopia

$400-- Immunizations

$100-- cost of wiring money to Ethiopia

All of this adds up to just under $27 000. Not to mention any money we will spend beyond the bare necesities while in Ethiopia. You will note that we cannot afford to take the boys. However, we feel that it is really important that both Jeremy and I be in Ethiopia to take custody of the baby, as it is an experience we will have a chance at just once in our lifetime.

All of the fees and expenses represent real costs. No one makes money on adoption... it is illegal to do so. This is just what it costs. Is it worth it? Absolutely. It is just a simple matter of priorities.

People tell us all the time that they could "Never" afford international adoption but think nothing of financing a 20 -30 thousand dollar car, or spending $5 on a cup of coffee day in and day out and dining out regularily, or sending their children to private school, or taking their kids on expensive trips. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, I am not suggesting there is, but we all have to make choices.

When you put things in perspective, it really doesn't cost that much. How much would you be willing to pay if one of your children was halfway across the world, badly needing your love and attention? Our lives will be forever enriched by the love and affection we will be able to pour into all three of our children. You can't put a price on that.

Passport...

Wheh. My passport finally arrived. I sent away for it by mail in February and just recieved it now in July. I chose to mail it because I do not have an entire day to stand in line at the passport office. Friends of ours that needed their passports sooner have stories ranging from standing in line for 8 hours only to have the doors close one person ahead of them, to "buying" a spot near the front of the line from entrepreneur/homeless people who charge anywhere from 20 - 50 dollars to spend the night in the line up for you (you still have to wait several hours yourself). For those who don't know, the lineups are as a result of the new border crossing rules that came into effect this year. The rules on how your picture must look are getting silly also. I have a friend who needed a passport for their infant. They had the picture rejected 3 times because the infant was required to be sitting up on its own, have her eyes open and her mouth closed. You try to get a one month old to do that!

The one downside to having mailed my application in, is that my original birth certificate and marriage certificate came back to me FOLDED. As I understand it, folding or laminating, tearing etc, constitutes altering and makes the certificates void... grr. Even if it they are still valid, its annoying as I paid around 200 for new full size birt certificates for all of us, plus a marriage cerificate for Jeremy and I (this was a requirement for our adoption). Anyway... its done and I have a shiny new passport ready to be stamped in Ethiopia... now onto immunizations.

ps. I do appreciate my Canadian passport. Canadian citizens travel around the world more freely than virtually any other nationality. When we come home with our daughter via Germany, she will still have Ethiopian citizenship. Because she is Ethiopian, not only will we be confined to the airport, we will be confined to a certain section of the airport. As Canadians, this restriction does not apply to Jeremy or I.

Why Adoption? Why Ethiopia?

Some Background… My first memory of anything on TV is of watching the 1980’s famine in Ethiopia on the evening news with my parents when I was four years old. I can still bring to mind those images. Since that time, I have had a fascination with Africa. Growing up, my parents carefully nurtured a social conscience in all of us. We were always provided with opportunities to “do good” both locally and globally. We were constantly challenged to think about what kind of people we wanted to be and how we wanted to impact the world around us. When I was 16, my dad took me on a month long business trip to India. On that trip I saw opulence and poverty together in strange juxtaposition. I also witnessed the incredible, tenacious human spirit. The trip cemented in my mind and heart, a need to act. I believe that as one of the ten percent that holds ninety percent of the wealth in the world, I have an incredible responsibility and that responsibility is to share. I am not exactly sure when the idea of adoption grew on me, it was a really natural evolution that eventually grew and blossomed into one of my greatest desires. Fortunately, I am married to a man who responds to and delights in my dreams and ambitions. Like most couples, before we were married Jeremy and I discussed children. Our conversation was a little different from most couples though… in addition to discussing how many children we would have, we also discussed what the source of those kids would be. I wanted to adopt, which Jeremy was more than happy to do, but he also wanted to attempt biological children. So for us, adoption has never been a second choice which is something that I hope our daughter always realizes. Ryan was born a year after we were married and twenty five months later, Paul. When I was pregnant with Paul, we began investigating adoption. I knew from the beginning that I wanted to adopt from somewhere in Africa, so I began the research. I was appalled to discover that there was only one adoption agency in all of Canada (now there are two) that had any experience facilitating adoptions from Africa, and that they really only worked with Ethiopia. I had just assumed that with all the need in that part of the world, it would be quite commonplace. Afterall, the UN estimates that there are over 12 million AIDS orphans living in sub Sahara Africa. But unless we wanted to attempt to wade our way through government red tape on our own, Ethiopia was really our only choice. We have never regretted our choice, but are saddened that there are not more opportunities for children in other countries to find “forever families” in Canada. We were encouraged by the adoption agency to wait until after Paul was born to pursue adoption. We waited till Paul was one to begin, mostly because we did not want him to feel displaced by the new baby. The day we filed our application, was like both days we found out we were expecting the boys! We were so excited about the prospect of adding to our family. So that’s basically it… how we came to be expecting from Ethiopia.

PROCESS PROCESS PROCESS

We have had a number of people ask us what steps are involved in international adoption and where we are in those steps. We thought it might be helpful to describe the process for readers of Krahnicles as well.

Overview of Steps for Ethiopian Adoptions to Canada

1) Register with CAFAC and request an introductory package. CAFAC is the adoption agency located in Manitoba that facilitates Ethiopian adoptions. When we began, there was only one Canadian adoption agency that could facilitate adoptions from Africa, now there is also one in Ontario.

2) Register with Choices adoption agency. We needed an adoption agency within our province to complete a home study and meet the provincial requirements for approval.

3)Complete education component. We had to satisfy an education component for both agencies which consisted of a massive amount of reading and some homework. Had we lived in Manitoba, CAFAC would have required that we attend some seminars.

4) Complete Home Study. This consisted of quite a number of interviews (5-6 is average I think) with a registered social worker. The social worker came to our home, met the boys and asked a TON of questions. Main topics include family history, personal values, and parenting strategies and philosophy. While many people find the home study intrusive and onerous, we didn’t really. We have heard of other families being put through the mill and their homes gone over with a fine tooth comb, but this wasn’t really our experience. Our social worker was flexible and easy to work with. The home study interviews are conducted over a minimum of three months.

5) Prepare Dossier. The dossier consists of the home study plus other documentation that we had to gather up while we were doing the home study. The information includes: power of attorney letter, letter of intent to adopt, agency approval letter, home study, certificate of training, photographs of applicants, original birth certificates for the entire family, original marriage certificate, criminal record checks, medical reports, statement of net worth, letter of employment, post placement report agreement, and photographs of our home and family. We sent the package to CAFAC who had it notarized and sent to Ethiopia. The paperwork must be legalized by foreign affairs and authenticated by the embassy. The package was received in Addis Ababa, translated and certified September 1st 2006.

6) Immigration Paperwork. After sending our dossier on, we had to begin the first of our immigration paperwork. You can only go so far with this though until you have a proposal for a specific child.

7)Waiting for a Child Proposal. That one little sentence seems like it wouldn’t be a big deal at all… however this is where we are stalled. We began the adoption process in February 2006, flew through the paperwork and have been waiting the last ten months for a proposal. Right now applicants whose paperwork arrived in July 2006 are receiving proposals, so our turn is coming (our papers arrived Sept 1 2006) but it has been ten long months. When we began our adoption, proposals for infant girls were being received much more quickly (6-9 months). Currently, the estimate is about a year for infant girls. Boys, sibling groups and older children take much less time (3-6 months). In another blog entry I intend to explain the reasons (as I understand them) why it takes so long.

8)Travel Preparation. We have to get our passports updated (I am still waiting for mine to come in the mail… I sent it in February and I still haven’t got it), get immunizations and eventually travel visas. For us the biggest travel preparation we are completing is saving the money to go. For both of us to go, it will cost between 6 and 8 thousand dollars. The boys will stay with my parents because we simply cannot afford to bring them.

9) Child proposal. We will eventually receive a proposal for a child that will include photos, a medical report and any known social history. Based on this information we will say Yes or No to the proposed adoption. If we say yes, we will have to submit a formal acceptance letter.

10) Finalization of Adoption. Once we have accepted the child, an immigration medical exam must be completed. The adoption will be completed on our behalf in the Ethiopian courts by a representative appointed by the adoption agency. Once this is complete, we have to wait for Canadian immigration to issue a visa so we can bring our baby home. This process takes between four and nine months.

11) Travel to Ethiopia. This trip is between 10 and 14 days. We will meet our daughter the first day after we arrive and the day after that, we will receive full custody. The remainder of the trip is all about getting used to each other, acclimatizing and getting ready to be a family together as well as collecting the last of the paperwork. Hopefully we will be able to take in a little of Ethiopia’s rich culture as well.

12)Home. Once we are home we will have to apply for citizenship, provincial health care and all the other government agencies that need to know about our newest addition. We will also be required to fulfill post placement reports every year until our daughter is 18 years old. This is only our part, I have said nothing of all the behind the scenes stuff from the other side of the equation. In Ethiopia, there are over 40 steps each child must go through before they can be released for adoption. As you can see, both governments and our agency are very careful. It is really easy to get frustrated with all the red tape and what seems like an overly onerous process, but in the end, everyone is working on making sure that the kids come first and that their safety and well being is considered before all other things and this IS as it should be.

Home Study Update

Because we moved and it had been over a year since our first homestudy was completed, we needed to get our homestudy updated (for another $250). This is a requirement of the Canadian government, not the Ethiopian government. I was really not looking forward to this process as we are (still) in the middle of renovating and with school ending and my brother's wedding coming up we have been really busy. It actually proved to be less onerous than I thought it would be with most of it done over the phone. I have been really impressed with our social worker. She is very considerate and seems to care very much for the kids and the family. So wheh. That's done and we shouldn't need another one now unless things drag on for another year... (yes I am feeling pessimistic). I have been spending some time looking for kids books either taking place in Ethiopia, or about Ethiopia. Our local library and bookstores have had little to no selection. So far I have found: A Saint and His Lion (chapters.ca) Daughters of the Ark ((chapters.ca) intended for much older children The Story of Coffee (bought at an Ethiopian restaurant in Vancouver)

If anyone runs across others, let me know.

I also ordered an Amharic phrase book and a book on Ehtiopian history (stay tuned for my reviews).

Below are some amharic words and phrases that I am going to try to master...

Father --Abutfaza Mother --Anutmaza Are you hungry?--Erabish? What do you want?--Mintifaligalish I don’t understand--Algabanim Be careful--Tinkuk Thank you--Amisigenalo Excuse me - sorry--Ekurta Okay--Ishi Don’t do that--Imbe No--Aye Yes--Owe Wait--Coy Go--Mohate Come --Masculine) Na (Feminine) Nay Good-- Turu Enough-- Betkau Tired--Dakomish Sleep time-- Tyna Water-- Waha Milk-- Wattat Food-- Megab Eat-- Be Hot--Mukat Toilet-- Shintibate Urination--Shinti Shoes-- Chama Beautiful--Konjoi Good girl--Turriush Sit Down--Koochby Keep quiet-- Oush Finish-- Charush You want…--Tufaligalish Home--Abait

When will our proposal come?

The short answer is, we don’t know. It could be tomorrow (unlikely) or it could be another several months. We are praying that it will be this summer sometime. After that we have to wait between 4 and 9 months before we are able to travel. We are discouraged as the timeline seems to be extending out and out further. I allow myself to contact the adoption agency once a month to ask about progress (even though I know that they would call if there was news). When I called at the end of May, there were several proposals for baby girls to go in July still and several more in August… then us. This leaves me second guessing our choice for a girl. If we had been indifferent about sex we might already have a little boy home… Adoption is an interesting process emotionally. I go through periods where I think of little else, and I spend copious amounts of time (that I don’t have), on the internet, researching adoption, Ethiopian customs and anything else I can get my hands on. I feel very alone during these periods because our friends and family do not have similar experience to draw from and cannot relate. Occasionally, people forget about the adoption because I do not have a growing belly. It is easy to be discouraged and depressed. People that do know and care, have run out of questions to ask us and I get tired of telling people “no news yet”. Last time, I called the adoption agency was a couple of weeks ago. It left me depressed and I thought I would make myself feel better by going to a baby store I had heard about (you know… a little retail therapy). I wandered around the store and left even more frustrated than when I went in. I realized that nothing in the store was really applicable to our situation since in all likelihood our daughter will be over one by the time we finally have her in our arms. I have no idea if I should be setting up a crib or a toddler bed. How are the kids handling it? The boys are frustrated to. Ryan asked me the other day why we couldn’t just buy a plane ticket to go get her. He and Paul pray for her every night. Ryan is the only four years old I know that can pick out Ethiopia on a map. Paul is starting to ask if she will ever come home. Ryan tells me regularly, that he misses his baby sister and he wonders what she is doing. Had we known that the process would be this long, I don’t think we would have told them right away. Ah well hindsight is 20/20. This winter we had a cool moment with Ryan. He was looking at some mail I had pinned on our bulletin board and was focused on a picture of some people in Darfur sitting under a tarp. He asked me what was going on in the picture and I explained it as best as I could. I explained that the people had had to leave their homes because of war and go to the refugee camp. I explained that they didn’t have shelter and likely very little food or water and that they didn’t have any money to buy the things they need. Ryan asked me to show him where Darfur was on a map. I showed him and he was astonished to see how close it was to Ethiopia. Then my four year old went and dumped out his piggy bank and asked me if I would help him give his money to the people that live there. We made the donation and he had a very satisfied look on his face when he said “Today they won’t be hungry anymore”. Wow. I was so proud of him. --Leah

Adoption process update

Leah called CAFAC to find out where we were in line. Our file was started in August of 2006. CAFAC is just starting to get proposals for July. What does this mean for us? It means that we probably won't get a proposal for 1 - 2 months at least. With a 3 - 6 month wait after the proposal, we likely won't be able to go to Ethiopia until October, perhaps as late at January 2008. Sigh.