An Update

I called CAFAC this morning for my monthly update (I know that if there was any big news they would call me, but phoning once a month is an uncontrollable compulsion). I feel like a bit of a broken record, but for those who don't know this is the way it works: For infant girls (which have the longest wait times), there is a backlog of requests for proposals. Families whose paperwork arrived in Ethiopia at the end of last July are now receiving proposals. Our paperwork arrived on September 1st 2006, so have to wait for the remaining few proposals in July, all the ones in August and then it is our turn. There is no real formula. Sometimes the proposals trickle in slowly, sometimes they arrive in large groups. But since it is now July and they are working on the July proposals from last year (still), we are not expecting one until at least September. I did ask a few other questions though. I wanted to know if the wait time following the proposal was still 4-6 months. I was told that yes, we should count on six months and if it happens sooner to view it as a bonus. As hard as our current wait is, the wait after we receive our proposal is going to be MUCH harder. Then we will have a picture, some information, a real little person waiting for us. Some families are able to travel in only three months, but for this to happen, everything must go exactly as it should which means a minimum number of court dates, for all the immigration processes to go smoothly etc. I am not really anticipating that this will happen for us. Every year, Ethiopian courts close for the summer, this year they are also closing for September to celebrate the new millennium (The Ethiopian calendar is different, currently it is 1999). I assume that this will mean a backlog for the court system. I wanted to know if we would know when our court dates etc are, or if we would just be waiting blindly. I was told, that as much information as CAFAC has, we will have also. Sometimes they do not know until after the fact, but they will keep us informed as much as they can. I also asked how much notice we will have before we travel. I was told that we can anticipate a minimum of three weeks notice. Most families have a month to prepare. This is good as Jeremy has to take time off from work and we have to arrange for Ryan and Paul. Not to mention the price of airfare! I'm hoping that there is only going to be a couple more times I have to call for a monthly update...

Adoption: Made Possible Only Through Loss

Adoption, by definition is a relationship that can only be formed after a tremendous loss. Before she comes home to us, our daughter will have lost her entire family. In all likelihood, she will have to struggle for survival in less than ideal orphanage conditions. Following that, she will spend time (between 4 and 9 months) in the CAFAC foster home. This is better care than an orphanage could provide, but it is still institutional care. When we bring her home to Canada, she will loose everyone she has any connection with. She will loose her country. She will loose access to anyone who can speak to her in Amharic. Everything will smell, taste and look different. She will also be jet lagged and will have to re-align her biological clock with a new time zone. When she comes to us, she will be in shock, having suffered more losses in her little life than most of us will experience in our entire lifetime and she will not have the language or emotional maturity to express herself. I have asked myself many times whether this is fair. Whether it is ok. Whether adoption is ethical. Adoption nay-sayers claim that it is not. They say that it is wrong to rob a child of his or her cultural heritage, to remove children from their homeland. The answer I have come up with is this. No, it is not fair. In an ideal world, all families would be able to stay together, and children would be raised by their biological parents. In an ideal world, parents would not die of AIDS, children would not suffer from malnutrition and mothers would not have to make the impossible choice of abandoning one baby with the hopes that she will be able to feed the others. But the world is far from ideal, and in this broken, troubled world, an inter-racial family halfway across the world is better than none at all. We cannot do anything about our daughter’s losses, except to hold her, cry with her, help her heal, and help her learn to trust us. No, we cannot give her roots, but I hope someday, we will give her wings.

The Least You Need To Know About Ethiopia

Ethiopia is located on the horn of Africa. It has been land locked since Eritrea gained independence in 1993 (after a long bloody war). Ethiopia is culturally diverse. It’s 75 million people are divided among over 80 different ethnic groups, although most belong to either the Oromo, Amhara, Tigray or Somali groups. The official language is Amharic, but there are over 84 other languages spoken. Secondary school is taught in English. Ethiopia is one of the oldest nations in the world. Lucy was discovered in Ethiopia and since then it has been referred to as “the cradle of humanity”. Ethiopia also has the distinction of being the only African nation to never be colonized, although it was briefly occupied during the second world war. Ethiopia’s capital is Addis Ababa, which means “new flower”. Before then, the capital was moved whenever the region ran out of wood for fuel. Since the introduction of the fast growing Eucalyptus, the capital has not needed to move. Addis Ababa, is home to Africa’s largest open air market. Hopefully we will get to go shopping during our trip! Historically, Ethiopia was ruled by an Emperor (purportedly a decendant of Soloman and the Queen of Sheba). A coup in the 70’s overthrew Haile Selassie and a communist dictatorship ruled. Ethiopia held its first democratic election in the early 1990’s, though the international community is divided on how democratic recent elections have actually been. Ethiopia has three distinct climatic regions determined mainly by elevation. The coolest zone: above 2,400 m where temperatures range from near freezing to 16 °C; the temperate zone at elevations of 1,500 to 2,400 meters (4,900–7,900 ft) with temperatures from 16 to 30 °C; and the hot zone below 1,500 meters (4,900 ft) with both tropical and arid conditions and daytime temperatures ranging from 27 to 50 °C. Addis Ababa is located in the temperate zone. The topography of Ethiopia ranges from several very high mountain ranges (the Semien Mountians and the Bale Mountains), to one of the lowest areas of land in Africa, the Danakil depression. The normal rainy season is from mid-June to mid-September (longer in the southern highlands) preceded by intermittent showers from February or March; the remainder of the year is generally dry. Ethiopia uses the Ge’ez calendar. The calendar is divided into 12 months of 30 days each. The current year in Ethiopia is 1999. The new year usually falls on September 11th, so this September will mark the beginning of a new millennium in Ethiopia! The main religion in Ethiopia is Christianity, with most of those falling into the Ethiopian Orthodox Church. There is also a large muslim population. Judaism and Animism are also practiced. Ethiopia’s economy is based largely on agriculture. The biggest export crop is… you guessed it… coffee. Fifty percent of the population lives below the poverty line. Becoming landlocked with the loss of Eritrea and lack of infrasturcture (only 15% of roads are paved) make trade difficult. The following statistics are from UNICEF: Ethiopia has 4 800 000 orphans ranging in age from 0-17. The average life expectancy is 48. The GNI per capita is $160 USD. 23% of the population lives on less than a dollar a day. 33% of exports are used to service debt. Female genital mutilation has a prevalence of between 69 and 76%. 43% of children (age 5-14) are involved in child labour. Only 22% of the population has access to improved drinking water. 38% of children under 5 are moderately to severely underweight. 47% of children under 5 suffer from moderate to severe growth stunting. I would like to credit all the sources for this information… but I can’t. I have learned so much about Ethiopia in the past year that I can’t keep track of where it has all come from. Having said that, I have copied parts from Wikipedia (mostly the bit about climate) and UNICEF. Hopefully you have learned something about a country that I have never visited, but where part of my heart resides.

An Event

Orphanage Donations

When we travel to Ethiopia, we are hoping to take a suitcase full of donations for orphanages. One of the things on the list of needed items is blankets for cribs and twin beds. With that in mind, I am going to host an old fashioned quilting bee. Before you stop reading because you think you can't sew, come anyway. There are lots of jobs for people who think they can't sew too. If you have fabric (either cotton or flannel), that would be very much appreciated. I haven't set a date yet, because I'd really like to find a time that works for the majority of people. I was thinking sometime in early august? You will have to ignore the state of my house (yes we are still under renovation... sigh). Email me to let me know if you are interested and if you think you can spare some time.

For those of you who can't see yourself participating, but would still like to contribute, I have included a list of other things that we are told are needed. The items need to be new. If you are considering donating one of the bulkier items, talk to us first because we only have so much space!

Orphanage Donations Needed Cloth diapers Disposable diapers Crib mattress covers Baby duvet blanket covers Nipples /bottles Fitted crib sheets Cloth crib quilts (not knitted) Scabies/lice remedies- creams and shampoos Hydrocortizone crème and “Peneten” Diaper Rash ointment Zincofax Ointment for Diaper rash Shoes for kids up to age 6 years. Clothes for children up to 10 years of age Socks (all sizes) Hair elastics/ pik combs/ hair clips/pony tail holders/hair brushes Collapsible play pens Twin bed sheets Twin bed quilts Giant Lego blocks/ dump trucks/dolls Towels, face cloths, tea towels, wash cloths Medicines If you are bringing in cash donations these could help to purchase one or more of these items: mesh for the staircase and observatory from the second floor. change tables for baby and toddler rooms cupboards and shelving for all children's rooms Filing cabinet or something for files at clinic playpens at least 6 - nylon so can be wiped down easily. Garbage cans for all rooms and bathrooms Laundry baskets for all rooms Cleaning supply room with locked cabinet A generous supply of buckets, mops etc for cleaning staff. . 6 excersausers for toddlers highchairs- 6 at least. Toy box and toys for each room and outside Decorations for rooms- ie alphabet, pictures Bulletin boards of pictures of families in living room Baby scale for clinic possibly a small 'tub" for every child to have under their bed for their clothes etc. CHOIR PROJECTS:

all school supplies, Crayons, coloring books, pencils, erasers, pens Art Supplies Sports equipment –like soccer balls, footballs, volleyballs, Skipping ropes, and other children’s games Stickers, beading projects, Clothing for kids from size 3 – 14 Shoes for ages 3 years old to 16 years old

Why Does It Cost So Much?

By the time everything is said and done we will have spent a small fortune (to us) on our adoption. We have had many people ask us why it costs so much so here it is: A breakdown of expenses:

$350-- Choices Registration Fee

$3210-- Home Study. This is money paid to a social worker to evaluate the appropriateness of our home and family. $250-- Home Study Update. We had to complete this because we have moved and because there has been no action on our file for a year. $1200-- Choices Planning and Pre-Placement Fee. $2775-- Choices Placement and Post Placement Fee. $375 -- CAFAC enrollment fee

$1765-- CAFAC Prep/Administrative Fee (preparation of documents for the granting of adoption order in Ethiopia)

$1284-- Child Referral Administration Fee (preparation of child referral, arranging translation of child information, commuications with provincial and CDN immigration authorities for processing child acceptance, final adoption order, first post placement report etc)

$267.50-- Educational Component (workbook that we were required to read, fill out and send back to CAFAC)

$5500 (USD)-- Country Fee (foreign courier fees, embassy authenticatins, foreign phone share, country maintenance fee, travel assistant fee, orphanage donation, adoption specific fee, representative fees, immigration medical and lab tests, child referral fee, airport taxes)

$150 Canadian Immigration Fees

$200-- Entry Visas

$6000- $8000-- Airfare for two adults return, plus one infant one way.

$1000 -- Accomodation for 10 days in Ethiopia

$400-- Immunizations

$100-- cost of wiring money to Ethiopia

All of this adds up to just under $27 000. Not to mention any money we will spend beyond the bare necesities while in Ethiopia. You will note that we cannot afford to take the boys. However, we feel that it is really important that both Jeremy and I be in Ethiopia to take custody of the baby, as it is an experience we will have a chance at just once in our lifetime.

All of the fees and expenses represent real costs. No one makes money on adoption... it is illegal to do so. This is just what it costs. Is it worth it? Absolutely. It is just a simple matter of priorities.

People tell us all the time that they could "Never" afford international adoption but think nothing of financing a 20 -30 thousand dollar car, or spending $5 on a cup of coffee day in and day out and dining out regularily, or sending their children to private school, or taking their kids on expensive trips. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, I am not suggesting there is, but we all have to make choices.

When you put things in perspective, it really doesn't cost that much. How much would you be willing to pay if one of your children was halfway across the world, badly needing your love and attention? Our lives will be forever enriched by the love and affection we will be able to pour into all three of our children. You can't put a price on that.

Passport...

Wheh. My passport finally arrived. I sent away for it by mail in February and just recieved it now in July. I chose to mail it because I do not have an entire day to stand in line at the passport office. Friends of ours that needed their passports sooner have stories ranging from standing in line for 8 hours only to have the doors close one person ahead of them, to "buying" a spot near the front of the line from entrepreneur/homeless people who charge anywhere from 20 - 50 dollars to spend the night in the line up for you (you still have to wait several hours yourself). For those who don't know, the lineups are as a result of the new border crossing rules that came into effect this year. The rules on how your picture must look are getting silly also. I have a friend who needed a passport for their infant. They had the picture rejected 3 times because the infant was required to be sitting up on its own, have her eyes open and her mouth closed. You try to get a one month old to do that!

The one downside to having mailed my application in, is that my original birth certificate and marriage certificate came back to me FOLDED. As I understand it, folding or laminating, tearing etc, constitutes altering and makes the certificates void... grr. Even if it they are still valid, its annoying as I paid around 200 for new full size birt certificates for all of us, plus a marriage cerificate for Jeremy and I (this was a requirement for our adoption). Anyway... its done and I have a shiny new passport ready to be stamped in Ethiopia... now onto immunizations.

ps. I do appreciate my Canadian passport. Canadian citizens travel around the world more freely than virtually any other nationality. When we come home with our daughter via Germany, she will still have Ethiopian citizenship. Because she is Ethiopian, not only will we be confined to the airport, we will be confined to a certain section of the airport. As Canadians, this restriction does not apply to Jeremy or I.

Why Adoption? Why Ethiopia?

Some Background… My first memory of anything on TV is of watching the 1980’s famine in Ethiopia on the evening news with my parents when I was four years old. I can still bring to mind those images. Since that time, I have had a fascination with Africa. Growing up, my parents carefully nurtured a social conscience in all of us. We were always provided with opportunities to “do good” both locally and globally. We were constantly challenged to think about what kind of people we wanted to be and how we wanted to impact the world around us. When I was 16, my dad took me on a month long business trip to India. On that trip I saw opulence and poverty together in strange juxtaposition. I also witnessed the incredible, tenacious human spirit. The trip cemented in my mind and heart, a need to act. I believe that as one of the ten percent that holds ninety percent of the wealth in the world, I have an incredible responsibility and that responsibility is to share. I am not exactly sure when the idea of adoption grew on me, it was a really natural evolution that eventually grew and blossomed into one of my greatest desires. Fortunately, I am married to a man who responds to and delights in my dreams and ambitions. Like most couples, before we were married Jeremy and I discussed children. Our conversation was a little different from most couples though… in addition to discussing how many children we would have, we also discussed what the source of those kids would be. I wanted to adopt, which Jeremy was more than happy to do, but he also wanted to attempt biological children. So for us, adoption has never been a second choice which is something that I hope our daughter always realizes. Ryan was born a year after we were married and twenty five months later, Paul. When I was pregnant with Paul, we began investigating adoption. I knew from the beginning that I wanted to adopt from somewhere in Africa, so I began the research. I was appalled to discover that there was only one adoption agency in all of Canada (now there are two) that had any experience facilitating adoptions from Africa, and that they really only worked with Ethiopia. I had just assumed that with all the need in that part of the world, it would be quite commonplace. Afterall, the UN estimates that there are over 12 million AIDS orphans living in sub Sahara Africa. But unless we wanted to attempt to wade our way through government red tape on our own, Ethiopia was really our only choice. We have never regretted our choice, but are saddened that there are not more opportunities for children in other countries to find “forever families” in Canada. We were encouraged by the adoption agency to wait until after Paul was born to pursue adoption. We waited till Paul was one to begin, mostly because we did not want him to feel displaced by the new baby. The day we filed our application, was like both days we found out we were expecting the boys! We were so excited about the prospect of adding to our family. So that’s basically it… how we came to be expecting from Ethiopia.

PROCESS PROCESS PROCESS

We have had a number of people ask us what steps are involved in international adoption and where we are in those steps. We thought it might be helpful to describe the process for readers of Krahnicles as well.

Overview of Steps for Ethiopian Adoptions to Canada

1) Register with CAFAC and request an introductory package. CAFAC is the adoption agency located in Manitoba that facilitates Ethiopian adoptions. When we began, there was only one Canadian adoption agency that could facilitate adoptions from Africa, now there is also one in Ontario.

2) Register with Choices adoption agency. We needed an adoption agency within our province to complete a home study and meet the provincial requirements for approval.

3)Complete education component. We had to satisfy an education component for both agencies which consisted of a massive amount of reading and some homework. Had we lived in Manitoba, CAFAC would have required that we attend some seminars.

4) Complete Home Study. This consisted of quite a number of interviews (5-6 is average I think) with a registered social worker. The social worker came to our home, met the boys and asked a TON of questions. Main topics include family history, personal values, and parenting strategies and philosophy. While many people find the home study intrusive and onerous, we didn’t really. We have heard of other families being put through the mill and their homes gone over with a fine tooth comb, but this wasn’t really our experience. Our social worker was flexible and easy to work with. The home study interviews are conducted over a minimum of three months.

5) Prepare Dossier. The dossier consists of the home study plus other documentation that we had to gather up while we were doing the home study. The information includes: power of attorney letter, letter of intent to adopt, agency approval letter, home study, certificate of training, photographs of applicants, original birth certificates for the entire family, original marriage certificate, criminal record checks, medical reports, statement of net worth, letter of employment, post placement report agreement, and photographs of our home and family. We sent the package to CAFAC who had it notarized and sent to Ethiopia. The paperwork must be legalized by foreign affairs and authenticated by the embassy. The package was received in Addis Ababa, translated and certified September 1st 2006.

6) Immigration Paperwork. After sending our dossier on, we had to begin the first of our immigration paperwork. You can only go so far with this though until you have a proposal for a specific child.

7)Waiting for a Child Proposal. That one little sentence seems like it wouldn’t be a big deal at all… however this is where we are stalled. We began the adoption process in February 2006, flew through the paperwork and have been waiting the last ten months for a proposal. Right now applicants whose paperwork arrived in July 2006 are receiving proposals, so our turn is coming (our papers arrived Sept 1 2006) but it has been ten long months. When we began our adoption, proposals for infant girls were being received much more quickly (6-9 months). Currently, the estimate is about a year for infant girls. Boys, sibling groups and older children take much less time (3-6 months). In another blog entry I intend to explain the reasons (as I understand them) why it takes so long.

8)Travel Preparation. We have to get our passports updated (I am still waiting for mine to come in the mail… I sent it in February and I still haven’t got it), get immunizations and eventually travel visas. For us the biggest travel preparation we are completing is saving the money to go. For both of us to go, it will cost between 6 and 8 thousand dollars. The boys will stay with my parents because we simply cannot afford to bring them.

9) Child proposal. We will eventually receive a proposal for a child that will include photos, a medical report and any known social history. Based on this information we will say Yes or No to the proposed adoption. If we say yes, we will have to submit a formal acceptance letter.

10) Finalization of Adoption. Once we have accepted the child, an immigration medical exam must be completed. The adoption will be completed on our behalf in the Ethiopian courts by a representative appointed by the adoption agency. Once this is complete, we have to wait for Canadian immigration to issue a visa so we can bring our baby home. This process takes between four and nine months.

11) Travel to Ethiopia. This trip is between 10 and 14 days. We will meet our daughter the first day after we arrive and the day after that, we will receive full custody. The remainder of the trip is all about getting used to each other, acclimatizing and getting ready to be a family together as well as collecting the last of the paperwork. Hopefully we will be able to take in a little of Ethiopia’s rich culture as well.

12)Home. Once we are home we will have to apply for citizenship, provincial health care and all the other government agencies that need to know about our newest addition. We will also be required to fulfill post placement reports every year until our daughter is 18 years old. This is only our part, I have said nothing of all the behind the scenes stuff from the other side of the equation. In Ethiopia, there are over 40 steps each child must go through before they can be released for adoption. As you can see, both governments and our agency are very careful. It is really easy to get frustrated with all the red tape and what seems like an overly onerous process, but in the end, everyone is working on making sure that the kids come first and that their safety and well being is considered before all other things and this IS as it should be.